(04) swallowing pride like warm beer

Lotus Lake by fractist on deviantart

the lotus both belongs to the hedonist and the pure of heart

I never wanted to be ugly.
behave ugly. say ugly things.
beloved vonnegut said to keep yourself
treading softer than barefoot
(so you will
slip between
the sneers of others)

the trouble with people who
always say what they feel is
that they are raw pocks of gum
missing a fresh-fallen tooth.
some people forcibly remind you
of open wounds.

the trouble with being raw with others is
when they decide to piss salt onto
your plump-skinned hands,
your plum-hued heart.

some caveats when falling
into the wrong person:
some people are too small-handed
to hold the enormity
of your truth. the feeling

of dropping
never quite goes away.

I remember how I’d said,
please, please
be everything I hope for.
(how that went awry so quick.)

I remember how I’d said,
this girl is going to be the
combined karmic debt
of everyone I’ve ever harmed.

in the fight for spiritual loveliness
you are a test of ego/
a reminder to shut the fuck up
be an empty cup
and receive.

how much hurt can one swallow
while remaining unbittered?
do not allow yourself to grimace.
be gracious. wash your face.

(do not stand on the corner
and wail striking your chest

as the Pharisees do.)

is it possible for hedonists
to learn the art of rising untouched
from all the lotuses
they have eaten?

who first told you—
in not so many words—

you were unworthy of love?


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